Just a little humor
Life is Too Short Not to Have a Little Humor
Back in 1967 when you went down to the pontiac dealer and picked
out that new gto, drove it home, pulled into the driveway, you had
real muscle. You stepped out of the car and surveyed the situation.
Looking up and down the block, you knew you were in charge. They
were beautiful cars, still are and they had plenty of power to clean
house on anything on the block, and if the town wasn't too big,
anything in town also.
Well, let's go from 1967 to 2005.
It's down to the guy or dealer who has a stock or maybe a
matching number muscle car. Matching or not, if they're taken care
of or painted right, they're still just as beautiful. Well, when you pull
into the driveway, this time you might want to look things over
because there's a good chance there's a new dog in the coop a few
houses down that could be looking over the situation down on your
end. There's a lot of Mustangs, Camaros, Cobras, even Mustang GTs,
and if he's got one, he knows you're down there and it's just a matter
of time. If you plan on driving your new car, you might as well knock
the pins out of the hinges and put those doors in the garage
otherwise they're going airborne once he catches you.
Well, if you have the 400 ram air 360 horse with the hookers under
the hood you can case things out on the block, leave the curtains
open, relax, kick back,or maybe get in the lawn chair out in the
driveway. You know he knows you're there but are you stock.
He's out of his garage, back in his garage, he's not sure. He's
getting nervous. Meanwhile things are cool down on your end. Kind
of like that Miller High Life commercial. But it's inevitable that he's
going to make his move. He has to know. You notice out of the corner
of your eye. He just backed it out and closed the garage door. He
goes into his house. You're out of the lawn chair, you fall down and
skin up the palm of your hand. You're getting tense, into the house
and grab the keys. Your Bride says "Honey, what are you doing?" You say, "I'm going for a little ride." Your son Billy chases you out the door,
he's going too.
You're in the car, you light a fire under her, checking the oil
pressure, okay. It's in neutral, you're warming her up and little Billy
says, "Dad, Fred (the guy a few houses down) is in his car. Tommy
says his Dad's car is really fast. Think you can take him?"
You're getting more nervous by now, you were going to warm it
up good, but 15 seconds seems like 15 minutes. You put her in
reverse, back out and your son says again, "Dad, can you take him?"
You're white-knuckled by now, you look over at your son and say,
"Relax, we're not going to race him. You reach down gently, slide the
shifter into first, turn a little and get her straightened out, then out
of nowhere you just drop the hammer.
Right now she's laying down lots of smoke and starting to pull really
hard, all of a sudden she backs off and starts missing a little, you just
hit the 7000 rpm rev-limiter. You pump the gas and she fires back up,
back it down to about 40 in the 25 mph zone, you look over and
Fred's out of his car, going into the house, looking over his shoulder.
You cruise on by, go down town, stop at the party store, pick up
the paper and top off the gas tank. When you come out there's an
older guy and a young couple standing by your car. It's time to open
the hood and check the oil. The younger guy says, "You got the
389 in there?" You smile and say, "Yeah, it's a 389. The old guy
said his brother had one back in 1967 and it would go 180, but he
got drunk and rolled it.
You get in and head for home, pull her in the garage, get out and
look underneath to see if anything is leaking. Right now you're a
little down. You told yourself you weren't going to beat on it, but
now you're thinking, was all that smoke from the tires or was some
of it from the clutch. You go in the house, look out the window and
there are some teen-agers looking at your black marks. You're out
the door into the street. One of them said, "We paced it off and it's
over a hundred feet." You look at him and say, "Yup, nice and even
too, aren't they?" Right now you're thinking that Fred probably
doesn't want any part of the gto.
Back to the driveway, pull out the lawn chair, kick back and go
back in your mind 45 minutes ago. You got a four second adrenalin
rush you haven't experienced for 35 years, and I guess that's what
it's all about.
We all know Fred owns the Mustang, while Tom and the Credit
Union own the gto.
About two weeks later around 9 a.m. Saturday, Tom is backing
his 1998 Explorer out of the driveway..."man, this stinkin' Ford, this
doesn't look right. Yeah, black marks are still there."
Tom looks up and Fred and his 2 buddies have the Mustang jacked
up and they've got the exhaust system half out of it, "You don't
suppose he's upgrading, well Fred drinks a lot..maybe he ran over
something." Fred and his buddies are pretty decent mechanics. One
of his buddies has an older, Ford Lightning, in decent shape with a
large bug screen that says "Death Before Disassembly".
Tom's Saturday mornings are a little different now that he has the
gto, he's on what you could call, kind of an alert mode to anything
hanging around his area and having that Lightning there doesn't help
matters out. Same deal, go get the paper, home, open garage door,
lawn chair, read paper. But this time reading the paper isn't getting
it. He's getting a little aggravated on what's happening up the block.
Tom's thinking..."I know they're up to something." He throws the
paper down, in the house, finds last year's edition of JEGS. Back out
to the lawn chair.
He's thinking.."If this goes head to head, JEGS will have the medicine.
He just starts to open JEGS and all of a sudden, the tires are
squealing, the smoke's rolling and Home Boy has that Lightning pinned
to the floorboards. He's really giving it to her, suddenly "*POW*" the
one legger blows the rear tire.
Fred and his buddy Woodruff are really laughing, but Tom's a nervous
Out of the house comes the Bride hollering, "What's going on
here??!!" She and Tom have a slightly heated discussion, then things
quiet down. Tom's a school teacher and Fred works for a Ford dealer
in the truck department. On occasion Tom would walk down and visit
with Fred, but after the gto showed up nobody's talking. Tom has to
watch what he's doing, teacher and all, but he knows Fred works for
Ford and he can get parts at cost. Tom knows the Mustang has an
anemic 302, but he's light and if he gets that wallet out, it could get
ugly. Bride comes out, "Kenny's on the phone." Kenny is a real nut
job, but his wife does books for a parts store. Kenny used to have a
rusted out '70 Demon with a 318 that he just pounded to death. Tom
asks Kenny to come over. This could get interesting.
Right now they're sitting on an overpass by an on ramp leading on
to I-43. Kenny's idea is wait for something that looks fast going
down the interstate and have at it. Tom's a little nervous but it's
time to clean out the cobwebs. They've been sitting there for 45
minutes and Kenny says, "There, Tom, Right there." Tom says,
"What?" Kenny hollers, "It's a cobra, that's the big boy from ford,
its a Saleen, and they're really fast."
Tom isn't talking as he heads down the ramp. They can see as
they start closing in, it's two long-hairs, they know that these boys
are gonna be up for it. Traffic is running about 75 and Kenny hollers
at Tom, "Pull right up beside the cobra, Tom comes up fast, pulls
alongside, holding steady. Kenny gives the driver the woodpecker treatment..sitting straight in the seat, he turns his head 90 degrees
and looks straight at the driver. That's it, the cobra squats and he's
into it. Tom hits the gto and they're off.
But the cobra is pulling away, one car length...two car lengths.
Tom's thinking, "Should I shift her down...no I can't...I'm going too
fast." All of a sudden that 400 starts getting up on the cam. gto's
comin' on hard. Speedo is outa sight on the gto. She's really pullin'
hard! He goes around the cobra, looks at his tach and he's 6700
rpms. The last time it quit at 7000 so he backed off. It must have
triggered the long-hair cause he stayed right in it until they drifted
out of sight.
Whew......it's time to head for the barn.
Last edited by Robs 69; 09-30-2005 at 12:53 AM.