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Adventures in a G8

This was my friend Bob's G8. Sadly, Bob was sent to the big house for the next 8 1/2 years....word to the wise, don't think for a second that you can get away with cheating your old Uncle Sam out of your hard earned money.

If they only got you for money, the feds let you self report to whatever prison they decide to send you to. Bob and I have been road-tripping together for over 30 years so it only made sense that I should be the one to drive him the 400 miles all the way across Ohio to begin his sentence.

I did all the driving and good lord are those cars FAST. Across the pancake parts of Ohio I ran it up to 140'ish numerous times. we stayed on the secondary roads for the whole trip to minimize police sightings and because Bob was in no hurry to get to prison. Long flat roads running through long flat corn and bean fields make for some fun driving and since I would be dropping the car off at the bank when I finally got back with it, I drove it like I stole it. Lots of burn outs, plenty of donuts and pushing the gas pedal through the floor. It was a hoot.

Eastern Ohio is all hills, curves and Amish buggies at every other turn. I know they're a very forgiving people so I took my chances and burned through like a canyon racer. Scared a few of them, scared myself a few times and almost made Bob puke when I pulled the old Rockford Files high speed sliding turn around thing to go back and buy some strawberries at the Amish farm I'd just blown past.

Eventually we got to the town the prison is in. Even after dallying over the biggest breakfast since Uncle Buck made pancakes, we had 45 minutes to kill. You'd have to be an idiot to check in early right? So we went to a small park that was nearby and sat by the river for half an hour. He was scared half to death and me? I was just kinda sad I guess...for both of us. He was going to federal prison for most of the next decade, and I was losing my very best friend for just as long. Maybe even forever, Bob is 59 years old going into a 100 month sentence, the odds are not in his favor.

Anyway, back to my story. We now have 15 minutes before check-in time and it's a ten minute ride. Perfect right? Yeah you might think so. I made it all the way from Detroit to the far SE corner of Ohio driving that G8 like it was a video game and had not a single problem, not even when doing donuts in a cemetery parking lot. So what do I do with only 14 minutes left on the clock? I backed the car right over these culverts and got it stuuu-uck. Luckily a very nice woman happened along a few minutes later and stopped. She got on her phone and called her son to come pull us out.

He got there just as fast as he could but it was no use. Thanks to me Bob was almost 30 minutes late. I had to show the marshals the time stamped photo in my camera to prove our story. At first they were being jerks about it until one of the higher ups saw the pic. US Marshals smile only slightly more often than the Queen of England's Palace Guards in their big furry black hats but this one cracked just enough of a grin to get Bob off the hook. He said to Bob "well it's not your fault your friend can't drive."

If he'd seen me side skirt my way past that black buggy 2 counties back he might have thought differently...or he might have thought the same I guess

So that's my review of the G8. Very fast, handles like a dream and is comfy enough. Would benefit from better side view mirrors and a couple of well placed tow hook points but all in all a terrific car.

I plan (hope) to drive the Tempest down to visit Bob this summer.
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