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post #1 of 29 (permalink) Old 07-13-2006, 07:23 PM Thread Starter
 
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How To Be A Ricer!

HOW TO BE A RICER
Pronounce N.O.S. as one word (NAWS).
When you are outpowered, call people out with your friends car.
Have an aftermarket body kit installed
Use of neons or L.E.D.'s to light up your car.
Use an aftermarket tachometer...when your car already has a working stock tachometer in it.
You must install a non-functional wing/spoiler on the back and front of your car.
Names of performance parts on your car that you dont have.
Claim to beat cars that your car is totally uncapable of beating.
Install racing seats on a car that runs a 16 second or slower quarter mile.
List stereo equiptment or any visual mod when listing all your performance mods.
Believe that Honda invented VTEC.
Putting sub-brand labels on your car...example:Honda emblems on an Acura, Toyota on a Lexus..ect.
Install an aftermarket duel-exhaust on a 4-cylinder.
Make your exhaust sound like a weed-wacker
Buy a nitrous system just to purge.
Using car donughts and calling them "skinnies".
Mounting smaller tires to decrease gear ratio.
Multi collored body panels.
Claiming horse power and quarter mile times with out testing or proof.
Talk about how fast your car will be once you buy and install all the parts.
Fliping your hazard lights,during/after a loss or during a flyby
Say you lost because your car is running on a ****ty tune and needs to be tuned.......... when you're on the stock computer...
rev @ every car on the road that will eat you(no matter what direction they are going)
If some challenges you 2 a race you have 2 options
a.race and when you lose go to ws and lie your ass off
b.tell em they are a waste of time
my clutch is slipping,i missed a gear,my vtec was set to low,
when the vinyl work is worth more than the car,
when someone does a neutral drop in an automatic,
bouncing off the revlimiter more than once
I started in 2nd intstead of 1st
My shift light went off late
I didnt catch posi trac on that one
Law#43-my strut bar snapped
my neonlight valve stem covers are robbing hp
I didnt double clutch like i should have
When the exhaust consist of coat hangers and jb weld
Yeah its got about 5000 dollars invested in it ( and it looks like ****)
Its a prototype that no one has (built from duct tape and blue glue and pvc piping)
driving in and out of traffic with your Integra thinking you have a fast car
Getting your #s from a g-tech or some other similar meter.
using chicken wire as a mesh grill
Having gauges that do not work
Having a body kit and no plans on painting it
When you double side tape parts to the car and expect them to hold up at 100 mph
"Yeah its VTEC, but its not hooked up yet"
When you consider primer as a color choice
When you tell people it has a 9000 rpm redline and can only turn 6700
if you talk about owning a skyline someday and you drive a civic
having windshield washer squirters with lights in them
You refer as everything being JDM
Tell people you are running nitrous,when its really N.O.S. octane booster.
taking your 50whp civic to a dyno when it's stock
When you manually shift an automatic
Going to the dragstrip with slicks and running a 16.05 in the 1/8
All you do is brag about how much of a street racer you are
When your car consist of a GTR badge on the car and is not a skyline
you claim your car is fast then get butthurt so you claim your car is an autoX car.
you post pics of your parents car and claim it for you own
when your car has more torque in the lug nuts than in the motor
list winshield wipers as a mod and carbon fiber pedals
When you transform your car into something else with a headlight swap and taillight swap
When someone asks you if its mandrel bent or crush piping and you have no answer
When you stick the rim and tire out further than the fenders and you use curb feelers to keep from messing them up.
when your body kit is held on by sheet rock screws and thumb tacks
If you "fat arm" out the window with a sideways cap.
If you are 5'2 and you drive in the back seat
If you have to beg your parents to drive the civic
when you de-badge your GST ecplise of LX civic because its the suck model
windshield sticker saying powered by....(127 @the crank yeah thats power)
You remove every piece of your interior and you still run 15's
you have diamond plate floormats
you have a racing harness on your stock civic lx seat
you make your own intake out of pvc pipe
you know what jdm means
you have hubcaps that resemble rims
you drive any korean car and "mod" it
if you put 18, 19, or 20" rims on a sport compact.
Japanese writing on a domestic car
Put racing gas in ur stock civic lx
If you spraypaint your interior
if you don't make fun of ricers
If you are getting angry while reading this list
the local tow truck service is on speed dial
put lambo doors on
You join CLUBRSX , not to goof on them, but because you actually think they are fast
Calling your flat, bald street tires "Slicks"
you drive in 1st gear 90% of the time so you can hear the vtec whine
you have a bumper sticker that says drive it like you stole it
your keychain says aem/tanabe/greddy/typeR/si/mugen/....
you play nfsu2 everyday
you try to spell as many words linked to honda with your alphabets cereal
You treat your nfsu2 car like its a real car
Type-R
I will own you in the twisties
You have a V6 camaro/mustang and spend enough money to buy a V8 just to make people think it's a V8.
You've ever swung in behind a car (at 50 mph) in an attempt to draft.
When you lose you say "But your car has 4 more cylinders"
when you lose you say "Imagine if Honda made an engine as big as yours, because my 4 cylindler has 100 HP/Liter!"
You think you stand a chance against all Mustangs and Camaro's because they are heavy
You have a Vin Diesel poster
You buy a civic, add a cold air intake and cat back exhaust, add 200 lbs of stereo equipment and brag about how much faster it is than when it was stock.
You try explaining why vtec is better than a turbo charger
You have to let the passengers know when you're flooring it
If you know you can't win, you dump the clutch at 8,000 RPM's and say you couldn't hook up, but at least you looked cool
The only 2 exotic cars you can name are Supra and Skyline.
You put slicks on your car and only agree to race in the rain, just so you have an excuse.
If you tell the story of how your friend has such a fast car, he put a $10 bill on the dash, floored it, and you couldn't reach it on the dash because you were too pinned in your seat.
When you claim to race a stock automatic cobra.
When your cardomain site has a 'future mods' list.When you can shoot a grapefruit from your exhaust tip
LED exhaust tips.
When you have NOS seat covers.
When you have competitve races with cars- that dont know they are racing.
Put the car (automatic) in neutral on hills so that it rolls back like a manual and then go into drive when the light turns green.
Form opinions on cars you know nothing about.
Walmart is your #1 Auto Parts Supplier.
when you scream VTAK out the window cause you think it makes the car faster.
starting a poll about who would win in a race before you race

oops, I may be guilty of one or two of those. Hopefully that doesn't make me a ricer.
I did, however, see a car IN MY TOWN (2300 people) with a 2-tier WOODEN wing on the back, painted with a brush (like the rest of the car). It's a beaten-up dodge shadow, which is painted baby-blue with darker blue "accents". I want so badly to take a picture of it, but the guy who owns it is actually very nice, he's just a little...off, mentally. He's older, like 50, so he's not your typical ricer.
I will never understand why people put a wing on the back of a front wheel drive car, WHY would they want to create downforce on the BACK of their car, when their front wheels are the drive-wheels. Of course I don't know why ricers do a lot of things they do....
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post #2 of 29 (permalink) Old 07-13-2006, 08:00 PM
 
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Very very funny

with you totally. I almost want to roll my windows down and yell "what in the hell are you thinking?" to some of the people I see on the road. Especially front wheel drive cars with huge wings on the back of the car. It kind of defeats the purpose of even having the thing. Especially if you could actually get some of those cars over 120mph, they'd loose traction. It'd take them forever to get up to that speed though, and there aren't any straight roads long enough for that Four cylinder cars are okay, just not when you're trying to make it seem a hell of a lot faster than what it really is. POSERS!!!
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post #3 of 29 (permalink) Old 07-13-2006, 08:30 PM Thread Starter
 
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I honestly don't think most of the cars like that out there will DO 120mph...so the wings are uber-useless!
I can understand a small wing on a car, just as something to add a bit of flare to the rear end, but double and triple deckers, and wings that stand up taller than the car itself are just silly.
All the "fast and the furious" moves are making this ricer epidemic worse too. When they put a turbocharged ricer engine in the old mustang, well, that's just a sacrilege. I sure hope THAT trend doesn't catch on, I don't want to see/hear a classic GTO or Chevelle drive by me sounding like a damn leaf blower...I may become sick, or succumb to a temporary bout of insanity and find myself doing the P.I.T. maneuver on the idiot.
I can't see the appeal of buying a 4-cylinder car which is designed for optimum gas mileage and trying to make it fast. The car just wasn't MEANT to go fast. Just buy a camaro, GTO or even a Mustang...START with something fast and make it REALLY fast, instead of whining about "if I had more cylinders, I'd blow you away!". Silly kids.
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post #4 of 29 (permalink) Old 07-13-2006, 08:57 PM
 
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For the most part I agree. However, not all 4 cyl cars are dogs.

This one is a 2.3 liter, FWD:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...1632962&q=Saab

Take a very close look at the dyno results...

But then a car from northern Europe, I wouldn't consider "rice".

To all other points re: wing, stickers, neon lights, and general, err -- CRAP, I couldn't agree with you more....

Jim Miller

Last edited by GTJimbO; 07-13-2006 at 09:00 PM.
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post #5 of 29 (permalink) Old 07-13-2006, 09:09 PM
 
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Hehe, funny list.

I'll add a few more. These are ones I've all either seen in real life, or seen first-hand on forum posts or other websites.

100) If you claim to have "won" when you drive by a sports/muscle car that is: parked on the side of the road, in a turn lane waiting to turn, driving close to speed limit with cruise control on, sitting in a lane behind slow traffic while you are in a faster moving lane, etc.
101) Cannot understand for the life of you why some people, even if they drive a performance car, do not race constantly or refuse to race.
102) Talk about horsepower constantly, but could give a rat's behind about torque.
103) Cars magically suck just because they have an American brand on them. (*a)
104) If the car has an Asian nameplate on it, you can come up with calculations of how it gains HP at the wheels. Ie, it ships with a manufacturer's rating of 165 crank HP, but somehow that translates to 230HP at the wheels.
105) Similarly, any car with an American nameplate loses massive amounts of HP to the wheel. If an American car ships with a stock rating of 300HP crank, it realy only has about 160HP at the wheels.
106) You will talk about how any compact or low to mid end Asian nameplated car can go really fast while getting amazing gas mileage. You'll swear that the Subaru WRX STi will get "twice as much" gas mileage as a Camaro Z-28.
107) By your specs, no Asian nameplated car weights over 2500lbs. Meanwhile, no American nameplated vehicle weighs under 3500lbs.
108) You seem to really believe that Honda manufacturers all of their cars with racing as the first and foremost priority, and always has.
109) You refer to a Civic as a sports car. Regardless of it's trim level.
110) You conveniently ignore the fact that many Toyotas etc are actually assembled in the US, OR
111) You talk about how reliable the Camry is until you find out it is made in the US, then you do an about face and start talking about how the Camry has gone downhill and sucks now.
112) You constantly claim that other people are "jealous" of your econobox.
113) After someone laughs at the badges on your car, you claim that your Toyota Echo Si Type R Spec-V GT Twin Turbo is real--it's a limited edition JDM vehicle that you imported.
114) When someone posts on a forum that they are looking to buy a brand new vehicle that is pretty fast, you'll recommend a vehicle that is not normally considered a performance car. You'll insist it is fast. When people repeatedly press you about it and post facts that the car is not that fast, you'll finally talk about how you saw one once, with an engine swap and a turbo kit etc and it was fast, therefore that makes the car model as a whole fast.
115) You try to sell your rusty, dilapidated 1985 300ZX with 230,000 miles, oil leaks, dents, and mismatched body panels for $12,000 and claim it's a steal. Your reasoning--you've seen pristine, low mileage 1995 300ZX twin turbos selling for over $30,000--so that must make yours a great deal! Hey, it's the same car!
116) Your shopping list of automotive brand stickers contains either contradictory part (ie, 2 different brands of tire manufacturers) or parts that can't be for your car (ie, Holley Carbs sticker on a Tiburon).
117) You keep a fire extinguisher in your car, and you never go to the track/strip.
118) You've never dyno'd your car, but you are confident of your estimated HP gain from mods. To get at your estimate, you took the max value of the overly generous range the manufacturer listed on the box. You add together those max values, occasionally rounding up for good measure. At the end, if the gain does not sufficiently sound good, make up HP gains for other "modzzz" you added, like the fuzzy dice, 50Cent bumper sticker, and homemade hood ties.




(Disclaimer: I don't have a problem with Asian-nameplated cars. Some of them may make decent cars for what their purpose is--such as a Civic may be a decent economy car. However, ricers seem to have a fetish for any vehicle with an Asian nameplate, so any observations about ricers are going to generally be pretty slim when it comes to car types.)

(*a) I saw a lengthy forum discussion once, where the original poster was trying to decide between a Toyota Matrix and Pontiac Vibe (which of course are the same cars). There were a number of posts where posters who pretended to have in depth firsthand knowledge of the 2 cars talked about how great the Matrix was, and how much an unreliable POS the Vibe was...

06 IBM/blue M6 18"
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post #6 of 29 (permalink) Old 07-13-2006, 09:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GTJimbO
For the most part I agree. However, not all 4 cyl cars are dogs.
I agree, there are some 4cyl cars with respectable perfomance stock, or that have been modded to have decent performance.

However, to me a pure ricer is someone who tries to look fast/pretend they are fast, when they really aren't.

For instance, I think the last gen of 300ZX TT*s were really sweet cars, and I wouldn't mind owning one myself (if they weren't so pricey and likely to have been beaten so badly), but a Nissan Sentra with the base engine, a CAI, however many pounds of body work (unpainted), and a fart can muffler is not a performance car in my eyes, no matter how hard you may pretend it is.

*Ok, not a 4cyl, but I've seen the base 6cyl version riced a few times (which is still a shame IMO).

06 IBM/blue M6 18"
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post #7 of 29 (permalink) Old 07-14-2006, 05:35 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GTJimbO

To all other points re: wing, stickers, neon lights, and general, err -- CRAP, I couldn't agree with you more....

Jim Miller
Here's something funny, while driving yesterday after reading this, I saw a Civic with a rediculous wing on the back of it. The thing was so big the suspension in the back was compressed big time. It looked like he had a huge load of concrete in the trunk (which he probably couldn't open too easy with all of that weight). That wasn't the least of it though, he had so many stickers that had nothing to do with making the car faster ie. speaker brands, tires, wheels that he didn't have on the car, springs, racing seat brand, etc. While passing the guy, I look over and he's giving me the face that says he could tear me up in a race. I just laughed and went on my way still laughing at that stupid poser. Why can't they just buy a fast car if that's what they want instead of a four banger and pretend that it's a fast car with so many stupid modifications?
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post #8 of 29 (permalink) Old 07-14-2006, 10:41 AM
 
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Hmm...well, I dunno. If you know what you're doing you can turn a "ricer" car into an absolute screamer. Case in point: 2006 Civic Si. I'd take the one with the navi, 6 spd, 17" rims @ around 21G. 200HP @ 2800 lbs. Now if you put 10grand into that thing (putting it around GTO price) I'd have to respectfully state it would probably STOMP on GTO's. Give it a turbo w/ boost controller, intake, headers, exhaust, wider tires (maybe 235's)...I don't even know if you'd have to do anything to the suspension. It seems like it could be a pretty bada$$ car, and even stock for stock, @ 21grand with navigation and 17" rims on a fairly attractive little car that we ALL know handles like a mofo...it's a damn good deal.

But I like my GTO better...no one else has one.
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post #9 of 29 (permalink) Old 07-14-2006, 11:37 AM
 
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Originally Posted by BostonF4$
Hmm...well, I dunno. If you know what you're doing you can turn a "ricer" car into an absolute screamer. Case in point: 2006 Civic Si. I'd take the one with the navi, 6 spd, 17" rims @ around 21G. 200HP @ 2800 lbs. Now if you put 10grand into that thing (putting it around GTO price) I'd have to respectfully state it would probably STOMP on GTO's. Give it a turbo w/ boost controller, intake, headers, exhaust, wider tires (maybe 235's)...I don't even know if you'd have to do anything to the suspension. It seems like it could be a pretty bada$$ car, and even stock for stock, @ 21grand with navigation and 17" rims on a fairly attractive little car that we ALL know handles like a mofo...it's a damn good deal.

But I like my GTO better...no one else has one.

I feel like it 's pointless to buy an okay car and dump a lot of money and work into it to make it a great car. Why not go ahead and buy a great car and do the same with it and make it a car that not too many people can compete with? It's not that 4 cylinder cars aren't nice sometimes like I stated before. It's just the people that try to act like they're so bad ass and can beat anything on the sreet when I can put more torque to the wheel on my bicycle than they can in their cars. They take okay cars and totally trash them in an effort to try and make the cars look fast when they're really slow and look stupid. Just my opinion I guess, but it is a little aggrivating to see the things listed above.
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post #10 of 29 (permalink) Old 07-14-2006, 01:07 PM
 
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Well...it's like you gotta pi$$ w/ the pri*k god gave you. I figure alot of the people you're describing are a younger crowd and can't afford a really nice car with a big monthly payment or initial down payment. They can afford to throw a few hundred bucks here and there at their ride tho, and that's what they do. It's more a hobby than thinking their car's are the best on the road, I mean obviously they know they aren't gonna be spanking vipers in the 1/4 mile. Probably most of them don't know what a GTO is/has under the hood. Actually MOST PEOPLE have no idea. They're trying to make an "underdog" car into a potential threat for more expensive/flashy cars...we have an underated/sleeper car that eats many more expensive euro cars for lunch...in a way "ricers" aren't all that different than GTO owners if you look at it that way.
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