This may be a rare Post, but since I started dealing with Dads Passing, the most difficult part has been the Emotional part. Working on a Machine, cleaning and restoring is the easy part. The hard part is all the memories, all the things he left behind, all and each had a meaning to our Father, thus they are very difficult to be even moved or touched. Plus, he left a ton of things !!! Today, while I was going through some of his stuff, I made a Promise to myself, and to my sons...... Before I depart from this World, I will clear each and everything I own, either by throwing it away, selling it, giving it away, or whatever it takes to clear my Shop, the Rooms, the House, the Yard, etc. Think about that for a second, why not doing with those things exactly what you want ? In my House, I already filled three bags with stuff, for the trash. Tools that I no longer want will be given away or sold, it will take time, but it will happen with my stuff. Do your sibblings a favor, do not leave stuff around, they wont even know what to do, and good stuff will probably end up being wasted probably. One day I will say, “here are the keys to the bikes, the cars, the House, but just the keys”, nothing will be left for them to have to throw away or give away. This is like retirement, you have to know when to start planning for it, perhaps this will ring a bell for you... I started preparing for Retirement 10 years before, I will start planning for my Last Departure, today, Im 60.
Do this before you leave this World.....
1 - 20 of 77 Posts
Joined
·
7,567 Posts
I find your post a sad one. I suspect you are not in the best of health and consider yourself and "old" 60. I have kept myself in good health because I am aware of staying healthy. I consider myself a "young" 64. Since I plan to see my 105th birthday, I have 40 more great years left to go and beginning the clean-out for my passing won't happen anytime soon. It is not uncommon for people who undertake those concerns as to getting rid of stuff before they die can actually be bringing to fruit their own concerns - their death. Hope for the future and the fight to live fully has seemingly died, and so do they.
I have people ask me how old I am and when I tell them, they are surprised and think me younger. It's all about spirit and possessing an appreciation and joy for living that you do not want to throw away to the wind because you ACCEPT being old. I see many who are indeed younger than myself who look much older and are in bad health. They give in to the thoughts that they are old, are not happy with their lives, accept their poor health as a normal aging process and grab another drug to counter it rather than to not accept it and fight back. Your perception of life is what creates your reality and your beliefs of yourself and the world around you creates your behavior, and your response/reactions. One can get really wrapped up in the happenings of the outside world that they have absolutely no control over, nor any effect on, and with the wrong perception not be able to separate their emotions/reactions from those outside influences - which are in reality meaningless to them and their lives. I live each day without expectations - it may be a good day, or it may suck, but then there is tomorrow.
Live your own life, not anothers. Creating memories is all that you are ever going to take with you when you leave this world. It won't be the money or any stuff you have accumulated in your lifetime. No one will ever remember you or what you did or did not do, what you said or did not say, how you acted or did not act, what you believed or did not believe, 50 years after you are dead. If you are lucky, you may have some family members who have a rememberance of you, but soon they too will be gone and all that will be left is possibly a grave marker and a branch on the family genealogy tree.
My point? Live you life for you thinking of yourself - be somewhat selfish because you were put here to live your life and follow a path already made for you. All those things your dad had were things he enjoyed or made him feel alive. I don't think he intended his stuff to become an emotional burden to you, but perhaps provide memories for you to enjoy of him and then share those memories as "good," not emotional, and then pass some "good" memories onto your children - IF they are open to it, because your emotions and memories may not be the same to them as you perceive it to be.
My parents are in their late 80's. They downsized for convenience, not because of age, as the house was becoming too much work after they retired and they no longer wanted to do all the lawn work, winter shovelling, house cleaning, and home maintenance. Downsizing included getting rid of stuff. It was not because they did not want to burden us three boys with sorting/throwing out their life's collection of those things that meant something to them, but rather, because they wanted to LIVE - yes, be free of the house and much of the no longer needed extra things, so they could live the smaller condo life and travel, sight-see, go on cruises, take day trips, going out for eats/coffee, enjoy the social life and events of their condo community, and be free to do as they please rather than be tied to the things required in home ownership and those hours of their lives that could be better spent doing "fun", or nothing at all.
My parents asked us boys if we wanted any of those things (stuff) they were getting rid of. My brother's got a few items they wanted. I told my parents there was nothing they had that I wanted - it was their stuff, the things that they liked and kept around, and that I had enough of my own stuff/junk and didn't need to add to it. If they had had something I liked, I would have grabbed it, but we have different tastes. Told them I just wanted the cash when they passed so I could by an old hot rod coupe! That's not working out too well as I may not see my cash inheritance if they keep looking to hit 100 and use up all my inheritance on their "fun" and coffee/snacks. There is nothing I need of or from my parents, stuff or money. I will always have the memories and some are "good" and a number are "not so good". I don't get very emotional and when the time comes, all of their "stuff" will be given away, donated, or tossed out.
So maybe it is too soon to be sorting through your dad's stuff because there has not been enough time emotionally to get over your loss. I have seen this before and then there are regrets that things got tossed that they should have hung onto or should have given away or sold to another who may have needed or appreciated it. So those things you toss out because you feel you don't want to "burden" other family members should you die, may be the wrong thing to do at this time. It will really suck when your kids get older and have a better understanding of life and what THEY view as important and want to know where "grandpa's" X went or what ever happened to that thing you had that they now find interest in, or a memory in them.
Just sayin'. You have heard the saying, "The only way you will take away my gun is to pry it from my dead fingers." Well, my saying is, "The only way you will take away this solid lifter flat tappet cam is to pry it away from my dead fingers." I am not going to clean out stuff or get rid of things as a convenience to my kids - it'll be their problem, or fortune. Just DO NOT OPEN the pad-locked box that says "Adult Toys." Throw it away immediately.
Joined
·
3,571 Posts
Just think how young people would think you are if you shaved your beard, waxed your eyebrows and wore some skinny jeans 🤣I find your post a sad one. I suspect you are not in the best of health and consider yourself and "old" 60. I have kept myself in good health because I am aware of staying healthy. I consider myself a "young" 64. Since I plan to see my 105th birthday, I have 40 more great years left to go and beginning the clean-out for my passing won't happen anytime soon. It is not uncommon for people who undertake those concerns as to getting rid of stuff before they die can actually be bringing to fruit their own concerns - their death. Hope for the future and the fight to live fully has seemingly died, and so do they.
I have people ask me how old I am and when I tell them, they are surprised and think me younger. It's all about spirit and possessing an appreciation and joy for living that you do not want to throw away to the wind because you ACCEPT being old. I see many who are indeed younger than myself who look much older and are in bad health. They give in to the thoughts that they are old, are not happy with their lives, accept their poor health as a normal aging process and grab another drug to counter it rather than to not accept it and fight back. Your perception of life is what creates your reality and your beliefs of yourself and the world around you creates your behavior, and your response/reactions. One can get really wrapped up in the happenings of the outside world that they have absolutely no control over, nor any effect on, and with the wrong perception not be able to separate their emotions/reactions from those outside influences - which are in reality meaningless to them and their lives. I live each day without expectations - it may be a good day, or it may suck, but then there is tomorrow.
Live your own life, not anothers. Creating memories is all that you are ever going to take with you when you leave this world. It won't be the money or any stuff you have accumulated in your lifetime. No one will ever remember you or what you did or did not do, what you said or did not say, how you acted or did not act, what you believed or did not believe, 50 years after you are dead. If you are lucky, you may have some family members who have a rememberance of you, but soon they too will be gone and all that will be left is possibly a grave marker and a branch on the family genealogy tree.
My point? Live you life for you thinking of yourself - be somewhat selfish because you were put here to live your life and follow a path already made for you. All those things your dad had were things he enjoyed or made him feel alive. I don't think he intended his stuff to become an emotional burden to you, but perhaps provide memories for you to enjoy of him and then share those memories as "good," not emotional, and then pass some "good" memories onto your children - IF they are open to it, because your emotions and memories may not be the same to them as you perceive it to be.
My parents are in their late 80's. They downsized for convenience, not because of age, as the house was becoming too much work after they retired and they no longer wanted to do all the lawn work, winter shovelling, house cleaning, and home maintenance. Downsizing included getting rid of stuff. It was not because they did not want to burden us three boys with sorting/throwing out their life's collection of those things that meant something to them, but rather, because they wanted to LIVE - yes, be free of the house and much of the no longer needed extra things, so they could live the smaller condo life and travel, sight-see, go on cruises, take day trips, going out for eats/coffee, enjoy the social life and events of their condo community, and be free to do as they please rather than be tied to the things required in home ownership and those hours of their lives that could be better spent doing "fun", or nothing at all.
My parents asked us boys if we wanted any of those things (stuff) they were getting rid of. My brother's got a few items they wanted. I told my parents there was nothing they had that I wanted - it was their stuff, the things that they liked and kept around, and that I had enough of my own stuff/junk and didn't need to add to it. If they had had something I liked, I would have grabbed it, but we have different tastes. Told them I just wanted the cash when they passed so I could by an old hot rod coupe! That's not working out too well as I may not see my cash inheritance if they keep looking to hit 100 and use up all my inheritance on their "fun" and coffee/snacks. There is nothing I need of or from my parents, stuff or money. I will always have the memories and some are "good" and a number are "not so good". I don't get very emotional and when the time comes, all of their "stuff" will be given away, donated, or tossed out.
So maybe it is too soon to be sorting through your dad's stuff because there has not been enough time emotionally to get over your loss. I have seen this before and then there are regrets that things got tossed that they should have hung onto or should have given away or sold to another who may have needed or appreciated it. So those things you toss out because you feel you don't want to "burden" other family members should you die, may be the wrong thing to do at this time. It will really suck when your kids get older and have a better understanding of life and what THEY view as important and want to know where "grandpa's" X went or what ever happened to that thing you had that they now find interest in, or a memory in them.
Just sayin'. You have heard the saying, "The only way you will take away my gun is to pry it from my dead fingers." Well, my saying is, "The only way you will take away this solid lifter flat tappet cam is to pry it away from my dead fingers." I am not going to clean out stuff or get rid of things as a convenience to my kids - it'll be their problem, or fortune. Just DO NOT OPEN the pad-locked box that says "Adult Toys." Throw it away immediately.
Joined
·
7,567 Posts
Ya, I could dye all the grey too............but I am OK being/looking older. If I cut the beard and cut the hair short, I can look younger, but, I am am planning on retirement at some point in my life and it will be in the woods away from people, secluded, and I gotta have the "mountain man" look to go with the tobacco chewing I have to take up and the shotgun leaning on the porch swing. Oh, and maybe an old hound dog.
Joined
·
74 Posts
what about a moonshine still, got to have one of those, especially in the dirty south, lolYa, I could dye all the grey too............but I am OK being/looking older. If I cut the beard and cut the hair short, I can look younger, but, I am am planning on retirement at some point in my life and it will be in the woods away from people, secluded, and I gotta have the "mountain man" look to go with the tobacco chewing I have to take up and the shotgun leaning on the porch swing. Oh, and maybe an old hound dog.
Joined
·
610 Posts
Maybe the other side is when my parents both passed I started looking for some cool items that I remembered from my younger days, but my mom did some massive cleaning in the years before her passing and those items were nowhere to be found. She also went through old photos and anyone she couldn't remember or didn't like the photos got tossed. Guess we should be looking for a happy medium.
I do find myself starting to tag many of the Pontiac parts. Don't know if it is for when the kids go through my stuff or simply me worrying that my memory will fade. Sometimes the notes are almost threatening -- "Original blue GTO block - stays with the car!"
Good advice on other things in my house that somehow just didn't get tossed when they should have. Still have a working big laser printer from my business from years ago that should have went to the scrapyard. Plenty of stuff that has no value to me or the kids in the future but has been easier to just ignore the problem.
I do find myself starting to tag many of the Pontiac parts. Don't know if it is for when the kids go through my stuff or simply me worrying that my memory will fade. Sometimes the notes are almost threatening -- "Original blue GTO block - stays with the car!"
Good advice on other things in my house that somehow just didn't get tossed when they should have. Still have a working big laser printer from my business from years ago that should have went to the scrapyard. Plenty of stuff that has no value to me or the kids in the future but has been easier to just ignore the problem.
I find your post a sad one. I suspect you are not in the best of health and consider yourself and "old" 60. I have kept myself in good health because I am aware of staying healthy. I consider myself a "young" 64. Since I plan to see my 105th birthday, I have 40 more great years left to go and beginning the clean-out for my passing won't happen anytime soon. It is not uncommon for people who undertake those concerns as to getting rid of stuff before they die can actually be bringing to fruit their own concerns - their death. Hope for the future and the fight to live fully has seemingly died, and so do they.
I have people ask me how old I am and when I tell them, they are surprised and think me younger. It's all about spirit and possessing an appreciation and joy for living that you do not want to throw away to the wind because you ACCEPT being old. I see many who are indeed younger than myself who look much older and are in bad health. They give in to the thoughts that they are old, are not happy with their lives, accept their poor health as a normal aging process and grab another drug to counter it rather than to not accept it and fight back. Your perception of life is what creates your reality and your beliefs of yourself and the world around you creates your behavior, and your response/reactions. One can get really wrapped up in the happenings of the outside world that they have absolutely no control over, nor any effect on, and with the wrong perception not be able to separate their emotions/reactions from those outside influences - which are in reality meaningless to them and their lives. I live each day without expectations - it may be a good day, or it may suck, but then there is tomorrow.
Live your own life, not anothers. Creating memories is all that you are ever going to take with you when you leave this world. It won't be the money or any stuff you have accumulated in your lifetime. No one will ever remember you or what you did or did not do, what you said or did not say, how you acted or did not act, what you believed or did not believe, 50 years after you are dead. If you are lucky, you may have some family members who have a rememberance of you, but soon they too will be gone and all that will be left is possibly a grave marker and a branch on the family genealogy tree.
My point? Live you life for you thinking of yourself - be somewhat selfish because you were put here to live your life and follow a path already made for you. All those things your dad had were things he enjoyed or made him feel alive. I don't think he intended his stuff to become an emotional burden to you, but perhaps provide memories for you to enjoy of him and then share those memories as "good," not emotional, and then pass some "good" memories onto your children - IF they are open to it, because your emotions and memories may not be the same to them as you perceive it to be.
My parents are in their late 80's. They downsized for convenience, not because of age, as the house was becoming too much work after they retired and they no longer wanted to do all the lawn work, winter shovelling, house cleaning, and home maintenance. Downsizing included getting rid of stuff. It was not because they did not want to burden us three boys with sorting/throwing out their life's collection of those things that meant something to them, but rather, because they wanted to LIVE - yes, be free of the house and much of the no longer needed extra things, so they could live the smaller condo life and travel, sight-see, go on cruises, take day trips, going out for eats/coffee, enjoy the social life and events of their condo community, and be free to do as they please rather than be tied to the things required in home ownership and those hours of their lives that could be better spent doing "fun", or nothing at all.
My parents asked us boys if we wanted any of those things (stuff) they were getting rid of. My brother's got a few items they wanted. I told my parents there was nothing they had that I wanted - it was their stuff, the things that they liked and kept around, and that I had enough of my own stuff/junk and didn't need to add to it. If they had had something I liked, I would have grabbed it, but we have different tastes. Told them I just wanted the cash when they passed so I could by an old hot rod coupe! That's not working out too well as I may not see my cash inheritance if they keep looking to hit 100 and use up all my inheritance on their "fun" and coffee/snacks. There is nothing I need of or from my parents, stuff or money. I will always have the memories and some are "good" and a number are "not so good". I don't get very emotional and when the time comes, all of their "stuff" will be given away, donated, or tossed out.
So maybe it is too soon to be sorting through your dad's stuff because there has not been enough time emotionally to get over your loss. I have seen this before and then there are regrets that things got tossed that they should have hung onto or should have given away or sold to another who may have needed or appreciated it. So those things you toss out because you feel you don't want to "burden" other family members should you die, may be the wrong thing to do at this time. It will really suck when your kids get older and have a better understanding of life and what THEY view as important and want to know where "grandpa's" X went or what ever happened to that thing you had that they now find interest in, or a memory in them.
Just sayin'. You have heard the saying, "The only way you will take away my gun is to pry it from my dead fingers." Well, my saying is, "The only way you will take away this solid lifter flat tappet cam is to pry it away from my dead fingers." I am not going to clean out stuff or get rid of things as a convenience to my kids - it'll be their problem, or fortune. Just DO NOT OPEN the pad-locked box that says "Adult Toys." Throw it away immediately.
[/QUOT
Jim I truly appreciate your honesty. I guess I wrote this Post with the intention of pointing out my point of view, not to disagree with my Dad ways or anyone else ways. To each, his, her, own, no doubt about that. I just retired, I am 60, and in my Job, very few retired at my age, and many of those who have, had to come back or, find another Job, because, they did not plan ahead with enough time, or did not care to plan ahead. I did it at 60, because I planned ahead, and I advise anyone I can, because I am a person of empathy, believe it or not. The thing about the things we leave behind, can, and will, create a burden to the Family. Not because we do not appreciate those things, but more because it is a difficult task to be fair to the Memory of the Passing person. I feel I can not touch much less dispose of many good and valuable things Dad left behind, that is my point, the difficulties of dealing with the Legal and Moral things. If you feel you do not want to do it while you are alive, I Respect you 100%. Our Father, left everything intact, never told anyone anything about what to do, and we now must Respect his ways, and do our best to be fair to Him by Respecting his things. I Respect my Dad now as much as I did when he was with us, not an atom less, and thats my point. If I take care of everything I have now, if I ask my sons now, what do they want to keep, and what they do not. Don’t you think that is a perfect way to pass my things to them, and whatever they do not want to keep, find a deserving new owner for them things and give them away ? Either way, is fine with me, I do not want anyone to change their ways, I am just saying, do not wait until is too late if you want to go the easy way for everybody, which is, when you think is time to act, act. I have many many things in my Shop and my House, and I want to do all this myself, is my choice. If I leave no worries or concerns to anyone, my passing will be a smooth one for the ones I leave behind. Is my Post controversial ?, yes it is in a way, but I guarantee you one thing, if I can help a fellow man Retire sooner and succesfully, and also use Retirement to make things smooth for all, why not ? I think of others, is my nature, if I have a concern, I share it for others to consider and think about it. No one ever gave me this kind of advise, I learned the hard way, and today I can see my mistakes and how I could have done better, so I share my knowledge, I hope its appreciated and used by some. How many Houses, Buildings, Cars, Boats, etc, etc, have we all seen rotting in lots, just because the Family does not want to agree on terms and rather have stuff just go to waste ? Thats my point Jim, out of pure concern and respect, not to disagree with other peoples ways of thinking wharsoever.I find your post a sad one. I suspect you are not in the best of health and consider yourself and "old" 60. I have kept myself in good health because I am aware of staying healthy. I consider myself a "young" 64. Since I plan to see my 105th birthday, I have 40 more great years left to go and beginning the clean-out for my passing won't happen anytime soon. It is not uncommon for people who undertake those concerns as to getting rid of stuff before they die can actually be bringing to fruit their own concerns - their death. Hope for the future and the fight to live fully has seemingly died, and so do they.
I have people ask me how old I am and when I tell them, they are surprised and think me younger. It's all about spirit and possessing an appreciation and joy for living that you do not want to throw away to the wind because you ACCEPT being old. I see many who are indeed younger than myself who look much older and are in bad health. They give in to the thoughts that they are old, are not happy with their lives, accept their poor health as a normal aging process and grab another drug to counter it rather than to not accept it and fight back. Your perception of life is what creates your reality and your beliefs of yourself and the world around you creates your behavior, and your response/reactions. One can get really wrapped up in the happenings of the outside world that they have absolutely no control over, nor any effect on, and with the wrong perception not be able to separate their emotions/reactions from those outside influences - which are in reality meaningless to them and their lives. I live each day without expectations - it may be a good day, or it may suck, but then there is tomorrow.
Live your own life, not anothers. Creating memories is all that you are ever going to take with you when you leave this world. It won't be the money or any stuff you have accumulated in your lifetime. No one will ever remember you or what you did or did not do, what you said or did not say, how you acted or did not act, what you believed or did not believe, 50 years after you are dead. If you are lucky, you may have some family members who have a rememberance of you, but soon they too will be gone and all that will be left is possibly a grave marker and a branch on the family genealogy tree.
My point? Live you life for you thinking of yourself - be somewhat selfish because you were put here to live your life and follow a path already made for you. All those things your dad had were things he enjoyed or made him feel alive. I don't think he intended his stuff to become an emotional burden to you, but perhaps provide memories for you to enjoy of him and then share those memories as "good," not emotional, and then pass some "good" memories onto your children - IF they are open to it, because your emotions and memories may not be the same to them as you perceive it to be.
My parents are in their late 80's. They downsized for convenience, not because of age, as the house was becoming too much work after they retired and they no longer wanted to do all the lawn work, winter shovelling, house cleaning, and home maintenance. Downsizing included getting rid of stuff. It was not because they did not want to burden us three boys with sorting/throwing out their life's collection of those things that meant something to them, but rather, because they wanted to LIVE - yes, be free of the house and much of the no longer needed extra things, so they could live the smaller condo life and travel, sight-see, go on cruises, take day trips, going out for eats/coffee, enjoy the social life and events of their condo community, and be free to do as they please rather than be tied to the things required in home ownership and those hours of their lives that could be better spent doing "fun", or nothing at all.
My parents asked us boys if we wanted any of those things (stuff) they were getting rid of. My brother's got a few items they wanted. I told my parents there was nothing they had that I wanted - it was their stuff, the things that they liked and kept around, and that I had enough of my own stuff/junk and didn't need to add to it. If they had had something I liked, I would have grabbed it, but we have different tastes. Told them I just wanted the cash when they passed so I could by an old hot rod coupe! That's not working out too well as I may not see my cash inheritance if they keep looking to hit 100 and use up all my inheritance on their "fun" and coffee/snacks. There is nothing I need of or from my parents, stuff or money. I will always have the memories and some are "good" and a number are "not so good". I don't get very emotional and when the time comes, all of their "stuff" will be given away, donated, or tossed out.
So maybe it is too soon to be sorting through your dad's stuff because there has not been enough time emotionally to get over your loss. I have seen this before and then there are regrets that things got tossed that they should have hung onto or should have given away or sold to another who may have needed or appreciated it. So those things you toss out because you feel you don't want to "burden" other family members should you die, may be the wrong thing to do at this time. It will really suck when your kids get older and have a better understanding of life and what THEY view as important and want to know where "grandpa's" X went or what ever happened to that thing you had that they now find interest in, or a memory in them.
Just sayin'. You have heard the saying, "The only way you will take away my gun is to pry it from my dead fingers." Well, my saying is, "The only way you will take away this solid lifter flat tappet cam is to pry it away from my dead fingers." I am not going to clean out stuff or get rid of things as a convenience to my kids - it'll be their problem, or fortune. Just DO NOT OPEN the pad-locked box that says "Adult Toys." Throw it away immediately.
I am with you L4S 100%.
Thanks for sharing Johnny. Sorry for your loss. Today is the 10th anniversary of my dad's passing and I remember having to, with my sisters, sort through and pack up all my parent's belongings, sell their house and car, take care of financial details, and get my mom moved in with one sister in the Southwest. My wife and I determined we don't want to put our kids through that. We both plan on retiring in the near future and will soon be sorting and divesting. I hope the car continues to deliver fond memories of your dad.
At the the age of 6 I had my Grand fathers wooden tackle box stolen. He had died the year before. The new home owner agree to give us a couple days to clean out the detached garage. He changed the locks three days early and never would answer the door. After that I never put sentiment on any material things. My life constantly reminds me of my loved ones. Wheather it be flying a kite, mowing the lawn. Eating cottage cheese and apple sauce.I have shared with my kids that this reminds me of this person when I do this. I am moving which I did not think I would do. I averaged a move every five years until I was 41.So I am de-cluttering not so others would not have to worry. But I believe I have a half dozen moves left in me.
Joined
·
7,567 Posts
My relationship with my daughter it different, I suppose, as well as my relationship with my parents. We are not what I call a close family as others are. I cannot think of a time when we would do/say something to "honor" our parents or do/say something out of "respect" for them. They raised us to be independent and as they would tell us, "you made your bed and you have to lie in it." We never got any handouts or help from them, let alone support. It was the same as the military, the differences between officers and enlisted men - they were the adult parents, not our friends, and we were the children who did what we were told. It was not out of respect or honor why we did anything, we did it because they were our parents and we were their kids - we followed their orders or got punished. So not a lot of emotional ties, but we do stay in touch and visit each other and enjoy that. But they do not involve us in their lives and we do not share much of our lives with them - we all live our own lives.
Most people do not plan ahead for an early retirement, let alone retirement, and many don't have the financial income/high dollar job to plan ahead for retirement as they sometimes struggle living from paycheck to paycheck. I did not plan for it, but instead came to the conclusion that owning my house free and clear was my retirement. I had been married and divorced twice, lost 2 houses, cars, car parts, had 2 child support payments, and had to pay off a bankruptcy note. Lost a job and was looking to sleep in the back of my car when my bank account hit $35.00. But that was the day I secured a job, went to work that night, and slowly turned things around. I vowed never to get married again because marriage was too costly and saw that my security was in making it for myself and one of those paths was to purchase a very small home and pay it off - which I did once free from my bankruptcy. I don't have much money in my savings for "retirement", but can easily live on Social Security because I have no debts and will be working some kind of job to support my hobbies, as I do now - and I like to work and stay busy, so a part time job of my choosing when I get older.
My daughter knows if I should drop dead tomorrow, where the important documents are and to take whatever she wants and toss out the rest. It is not too difficult to call a service that will come in to a home and clean it out, or like many do here, have a house goods auction and sell it all. So there is no burden to her, nothing to clean out, no sorting. But, she can also do nothing for years as the house is paid for and it can sit - taxes are real cheap. If she keeps any of my cars, I don't expect, nor want, her to have the car and keep it in memory of me and cling to it as if it was still mine and restore it or bring it back to its original glory. I don't care if she puts 24 inch rims and tires on the car, inserts an LS conversion, or sells/junks it. I'm dead, its her car to do as she pleases and however she envisions the car with no strings attached, and making it "her car" would make me smile more than seeing her being concerned about bringing the car back to a "certain condition" out of respect for me or to honor my memory - because the only memory she would be honoring would be her own.
I have plenty of empathy, but I don't have to act or respond to it unless I choose to. Everything we do in life is out of choice.
Most people do not plan ahead for an early retirement, let alone retirement, and many don't have the financial income/high dollar job to plan ahead for retirement as they sometimes struggle living from paycheck to paycheck. I did not plan for it, but instead came to the conclusion that owning my house free and clear was my retirement. I had been married and divorced twice, lost 2 houses, cars, car parts, had 2 child support payments, and had to pay off a bankruptcy note. Lost a job and was looking to sleep in the back of my car when my bank account hit $35.00. But that was the day I secured a job, went to work that night, and slowly turned things around. I vowed never to get married again because marriage was too costly and saw that my security was in making it for myself and one of those paths was to purchase a very small home and pay it off - which I did once free from my bankruptcy. I don't have much money in my savings for "retirement", but can easily live on Social Security because I have no debts and will be working some kind of job to support my hobbies, as I do now - and I like to work and stay busy, so a part time job of my choosing when I get older.
My daughter knows if I should drop dead tomorrow, where the important documents are and to take whatever she wants and toss out the rest. It is not too difficult to call a service that will come in to a home and clean it out, or like many do here, have a house goods auction and sell it all. So there is no burden to her, nothing to clean out, no sorting. But, she can also do nothing for years as the house is paid for and it can sit - taxes are real cheap. If she keeps any of my cars, I don't expect, nor want, her to have the car and keep it in memory of me and cling to it as if it was still mine and restore it or bring it back to its original glory. I don't care if she puts 24 inch rims and tires on the car, inserts an LS conversion, or sells/junks it. I'm dead, its her car to do as she pleases and however she envisions the car with no strings attached, and making it "her car" would make me smile more than seeing her being concerned about bringing the car back to a "certain condition" out of respect for me or to honor my memory - because the only memory she would be honoring would be her own.
I have plenty of empathy, but I don't have to act or respond to it unless I choose to. Everything we do in life is out of choice.
Joined
·
152 Posts
i hear you when dad passed it took me two months to clean out the garage and find homes for the car collection, my youngest got the 68 nova my sister got both the jags and his daily bmw , we sold the 68 firebird we were ready to paint , and i kept the 69 camaro and the gto the house took another two months to clear out and get ready to sell now were waiting to close on the sale of the house and waiting for this snow to go so i can sell the boat then my job as trustee will be done , now as far as when i pass the cars will go to the boys the cobra to my grandson the camaro to my oldest and the gto to my youngest my youngest also gets my tools because hes followed in my footsteps as a mechanic. hes going to need a BIG garage
Joined
·
1,564 Posts
This one hits very close to home for me. I have been in the process of going through my dads things as well. My dad has not passed, but was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer Disease. He started getting strange about 18 months ago but was only officially diagnosed in January. His case is considered advanced at this point. It's not that the disease has progressed quick, it has been going on for years. My dad had the luck in life of being a very smart man. this is against detecting some cognitive issues since a high functioning brain is capable of compensating for the outages when the disease is in the early stages. His brain hit the point where it was no longer able to fill in the gaps so he went from reading two books a week and fabricating parts to repair things around the house to not being able to shower himself or tie his own shoes very quick. The only real option for him was assisted living in a residence that specializes in memory care.
All of this has meant cleaning out his house. My dad was a pack rat who threw almost nothing away. My mother passed away 20 years ago and he still had all of her trinkets out where it was when she passed. Add all of the junk and trash he "couldn't" get rid of, and this has been a daunting task. My sisters both took the few things they wanted and threw up their hands. I've been working on this since January. My wife and kids have helped me a bunch. Once this is settled, I am going to purge through my own stuff. I have boxes of stuff I have moved with me since leaving my parents house 25 years ago that have never been opened. It is time to take care of this so I don't leave my kids the same mess my dad left me.
Funny thing. When we moved my dad, he found my grandfathers bayonet from WW2. He wore it on the dozen or so beach landing he did in the Pacific. Of all the junk in dad's house, he told me to sell that because it's worth a few bucks. No mention of selling my mother's crap or a pile of unbuilt models he bought at a yard sale. Nope, sell the one actual family heirloom in the entire house.
@Johnnymoto I hope you find some peace and closure. I am truly sorry for your loss.
Must be very difficult to see your Dad with that tough medical condition, and not being able to help him. Your Dad and you are living a very difficult time, thanks for sharing, makes us remember how easy we have it, and teaches us not to complain about anything. Wish your Dad the best.
With a little luck, just a few days away on the 21st of March, I will be hitting 70. In my own mind, I am still 18 and bulletproof. However, sometimes life has a nasty habit of rising up and reminding me that that's not true. Considering other people I know who are the same age as me, I'm in really good shape and very healthy. I'm not perfect, I do need to drop some weight and I'm attempting to get my mind right so I can make that happen, but still all in all I have it pretty good. As far as whether or not to divest yourself of all the material, things that might cause your family pain after you've gone, or to save it for them, why not just talk with them and ask them what their preference would be? After all, they are the ones who ultimately will have to go through that experience.
My .02
Bear
My .02
Bear
Joined
·
152 Posts
as a person that has just finished liquidating his parent s home it was daunting my sister like yours took what she wanted and walked leaving it to me , they built the house in 83 when i left for the army, he had 5 filing cabinets packed full of paperwork that had to be all read and checked for being investments , my sisters room had become an armory with over 500 guns ranging from air rifles and pistols to vintage firearms , , it takes time you will get through it i feel for you , im almost glad he went quick , my grandmother pasted from alzheimers , i wasnt allowed to visit her in the nursing home because she thought i was he brother and shed get violent with the staff because she thought in her mind i was there to pick her up from school, good luck to you and godspeed to your father
I actually think about this, a lot! Cars, guitars, motorcycles, tools, guns, endless stuff.
We're in the process of now cleaning out a recently deceased family members house... and she had nothing... so I cant imagine what mine would be like.
I've been following your personal experience for a year, and I can tell you, it has moved me, changed my life and the way that I look at things. Sometimes whats right in front of you, cannot be seen. We all need to stop and smell the roses. It's never too late to fix a life, or a family, while there's time and desire.
Joined
·
297 Posts
I too have enjoyed these reads. I'm just going to add for context that we don't get to choose when we go. I'm not against healthy living, I think it definitely helps, and I consider myself to live a healthy lifestyle. However, including getting hit by a bus, many unexpected tragedies can happen and you need to be prepared for your death. If you leave without having a proper will, beneficiaries identified, etc., and end of life wishes identified, you are probably doing your heirs a disservice and an attorney favor.
1 - 20 of 77 Posts
